Question - what is the proper way to fight in a marriage? Actually, fighting is not ever the right answer. However, it is important to resolve arguments and disputes. Here are some tips.
Don't try to deal with it while you are about to blow your stack! Take a step back. Resolve to deal with it but not while angry. So many times, people think it's either deal with it then or drop it - wrong answer. Deal with it at the right time. Make a point to pick a time when both of you are calm and dig in.
Be ready to evaluate how you are contributing to the problem. "It takes two to Tango" is an experession that holds true 99.99999 % of the time. I will admit, sometimes it is totally one person (I've seen it firsthand in pastoral counseling sessions) but usually there is something each person is contributing to the issue. It's not about who will win the fight - it's about coming back together and removing barriers to the relationship. Make it a win-win!
Dialogue about solutions - brainstorm. Talk about what led up to the issue. Talk about unsuccessful attempts to solve the problem. Ask each other for ideas. This works best when you give the situation the proper amount of focus and time that it needs. Don't try to accomplish this on the run in between appointments. You, your spouse, and your relationship are very important - act like it.
Evaluate - make a point to come to some decisions on how to solve the issue and then put it into action. Follow up to see how it is going with each other. Ask questions such as, "still feel good about our discussion? Did you forget anything that needed to be said? Are things better?" Don't wait until you are ready to blow your stack again before dealing with it - if you do, the cycle just starts all over and maybe even things get worse.
Have some good times. This is especially important if you are in a rut of being at odds with each other. When it seems like all you do is fight, then make a point to do something fun together - have some couple time. Try to remember that whatever the issues are, they do not constitute your whole marriage. Celebrate the good things and work on the difficult stuff as a team.
Finally, if all else fails, buy him a brand new black Harley Davidson with all the trimmings and things will be just fine (sorry, I had to put that one in there in case my wife reads this).